Life as a Forgetter

Don't you hate what cleaver thing you were going to blog about...
It was witty and had a picture and all that *HUFF*

My blogging has piqued already.

Life as a ...

Could you club this seal?
For the sake of it's pelt?

This seat is in its 'white coat' stage, meaning its only about 10 days old. At this age all it is most capable of doing is suckling from it's mother.

When I was young my mother read me 'The Jungle Book' by Rudyard Kipling which has the story 'The White Seal' - the story of a white seal who terrified of man finds a haven for seals, away from the clubs.

Friday marked the beginning of the seal pup hunt in Canada, and is carried on in Norway, Greenway, Russia and Namibia.
Seals are hunted for thier pelts (or fur), blubber used for oil, meat for pet food and reportedly thier genitals as an aphrodisiac for frustrated Asian men.
They use an instrument called a hakapik to crush its skull and the hook to move the carcass.
It is cruel, morally repugnant and in this day and age totally disgusting.
It has long been argued that the seal pup hunting is a population control measure and to protect other species - why then is such a violent means of killing necessary? Because shooting them would ruin the pelt. The Canadian Fisheries Department claims studies 'have consistently proven that the club or hakapik is an efficient tool designed to kill the animal quickly and humanely.'
However due to improper use the seal endures "considerable and unacceptable suffering," (IFWA) before even reaching a state of unconsciousness.

Although the SUSTAINABLE killing of harp and hooded seals
for food and fur had indeed been occuring for thousands of years by native
peoples of northern lattitudes, the most recent 300 years brought about a new
reason for killing harp seals: COMMERCIAL EXPLOITATION, and with that, the end to any shred of earlier, necessity from sealing.

I consider this unacceptable, and I TOTALLY disagree with this, especially as an alleged means of population control.
BOYCOTT THE CRUEL KILLING OF HARP SEALS, BOYCOTT FUR, BOYCOTT CANADIAN SEAFOOD

Life as a Scarf lover

Going into cooler weather I get excited at the plethora of new scarves proliferating the markets.

I bought a new scarf today :)

A light autumnal transitional scarf in pink and black check. Flipping through the masses of folded coloured scarves I came to just the right shade of pink, took it to the counter and purchased.

Get home, depackage scarf to reveal it is a 'desert scarf' or

Shemagh - I have inadvertently bought something trendy!! Oh no, I feel the immediate need to don my (non-existent) skinny jeans and walk around looking sullen, or morph into an aged Arab man or Che Guevara. It's not trying to look cool if I didn't realise RIGHT?

Trendoid factor aside, I didn't realise the symbolism of the item. The shemagh or keffiyeh is something of a symbol of Palestinian solidarity (which I don't have a problem with, lots of good people have come from Palestine) and Wikipedia have this to add;

As with other articles of clothing worn in wartime, such as the T-shirt and khaki pants, the keffiyeh has been seen as chic among non-Arabs in the West, who may be uninterested in politics, the military, or both.

Well bother it... I just like it, is that okay?

Life as a non-Drunkorexic

SO THIS IS MY PROBLEM? When I go drinking I eat sometimes before, during and after...
Ninemsn reports; watch the video here

A shocking new trend in young women's nutrition finds them combining a
desire to be thin with the growing problem of binge drinking.
While drunkorexia is not an official medical term, it is being used to define the
phenomenon of young women skipping meals to allow them to drink alcohol without
putting on weight.
Ms McMillan-Price explains that while replacing a meal with alcohol probably does keep the weight down, but it excludes important vitamins and nutrients needed in a healthy diet.
"Alcohol drains nutrients from your body. The more you drink the more you metabolise in a different way," she explains. "Eating on an empty stomach increases the rate you absorb alcohol and so you will get drunk faster and also lowers blood sugar levels (and willpower levels) so that you may find yourself intending not to eat and then heading for the pizza shop after a few too many and overeating all the wrong foods."

Oh I so get that, midnight cheeseburgers is what that translates to BUT I always try to feel less bad about it by thinking that I've been at the club for say several hours dancing, I feel that a cheeseburger of a measly 285 calories (which only takes 60 mins of walking at 3kph to work off *tongue in cheek*)
PAH.

Life as a Leibovitz lover

For those not in the know, Annie Leibovitz takes a fairly decent photo and I much adore her work.
She worked for Rolling Stone almost from its creation, photographing some of the biggest artists of our time, she took that photo of Yoko clinging to husband John Lennon the morning of his assassination. In the 80's she moved to Vanity Fair, took that photo of a VERY pregnant Demi Moore, Whoppi Goldberg in a milk bath, Posh and Becks in a semi pornographic shoot and oh the occasional British monarch.
Her beautiful portraiture has crafted many group shots but as I've noticed in some of the groups there is just no helping some people.

There's one in every group (well not every group) but 14years of group covers I scrolled through some of them and couldn't help notice... doesn't Renee Zellweger look like the Chinese swimmer who kicked up all that stink, whilst looking uncomfortable and out of place.

More woman of Hollywood, and why does Brittney Murphy look like she just scrawled up from a four day blinder... and Kirsten Dunst instead of looking aloof just looks a bit put out (because she's not the one wearing no shirt?)
Like I said some people just can't be helped. Lovely composition though I suppose.
This one kicked up some turbulence, I mean they are naked... oh get with it people, it's art!
Tom Ford appears to be chewing on Keira Knightly's ear? Ear fancying aside he looks ok right? KK looks a bit odd and hunched but Scarlett looks more comfortable, creamy and sort of starry-eyed.
I buy Vanity Fair VERY VERY occasionally, the bloody thing costs a fortune, but I bought and loved the series of covers she did for an article on the peril in Africa that was guest edited by notorious celebrities, George Clooney, Bono, Queen Rania, Madonna, Maya Angelou, Muhammad Ali, Barak Obama, Bill Gates, Desmond Tutu, Iman, Oprah .. OK you get the point.

This months cover features an article asking, 'Who says woman aren't funny?' and Annie photographs several female comedians taking the piss out of the culture rampant in young Hollywood, Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, Linsday Lohan they whole nine yeads.
But I love the cover, they look dreamy and floaty and it seems that she's groping her or is that just me?
Anyway I love her. You go girl!

NB; Thanks to anon it is indeed Tom Ford.

Life as a Easter bunny

Happy Easter!
Wee isn’t Easter a lovely time? Almost as fun as Christmas, I remember Easter egg hunts at my cousins house, following my Uncle around convinced that he as going to inadvertently show us the location of all the eggs. He was a tough hider!!
Last year (or year before) we did another egg hunt for the littlies and I walked past a tree the following day and spotted an egg which had been missed – MINE!
As little bunnies and baby chicks nestle about looking adorable and little girls go looking for Easter eggs in giant red tulips I am afraid I have something very serious to discuss.
It is the evil scourge of the world of which I speak.

FRUITLESS HOT CROSS BUNS!! Hot cross buns with no fruit? On purpose?
We very excitedly rose this morning to dive into our fresh hot cross buns which had been smelling divine in the kitchen since we bought them.
Taking four out of the pack, I popped them into the microwave to prepare to butter them warm. As I split into it… NO FRUIT! Must be an error in this bun, a faulty bun.
All four buns, no fruit…. Only to my dismay do I see the Woolworth label reads ‘Fruitless Hot Cross Buns.’ Why? Is this a sick joke?
That's one of my favorite parts, and without the fruit it was nothing more than an unpalatable brown bun thing with a bit of cross on top.

Life as a Cowlicker

I have a cow's lick. I hate it. I hate it because while I would LOVE TO GET THIS STYLE I cannot unless I a) wax my forehead (I don't wax ANYTHING and am not about to start) b) get electrolysis c) get plastic surgery to correct it!
All for the sake of two dozen little hair follicles spiralling up and out and making my hairlife miserable.

I long for a fringe, blunt cut, wispy or side sweeping - as I have a long face shape it would be ideal, but no no no. Blow drying and product kinda work in the very sense that they work as long as I can be bothered to apply them and if I do not encounter any form of moisture in the air, thank god I don't live in Queensland right?
I also quite like the Rihanna inverted asymmetrical bob, but now every teenage trendoid has glommed onto it so that holds little appeal.

These cuts below could be what I'm looking for sort of asymmetrical , sans fringe naturally, keep it dark brown, maybe with some skinny deep purply/red fudge-lights... HMM I still don't know if I could be bothered to style it properly everyday, but moulding paste could get the job done... HMM

or? or or just go back to my original whish is a less fringy more layered version of version Jessica Alba's hair.

Life as a Book Reviewer

Being the lucky duck I am, who has thoughtful relatives with fabulous taste, I recieved the Go Fug Yourself book for a birthday present.

(For all those who do not know about fug, I suggest you go immediatly to http://www.gofugyourself.com - the fashion blog of two hilarious bitches)

When I first heard they had a book out I thought, COOL! But who could be bothered ordering something from America *PFT*

Then I unwrapped it as a birthday present.

I sat all the way home on the train with my eyes greedily glued to the pages absorbing brand new material on the celebs we love to hate what they are wearing.

It was hard to turn the pages sometimes, wonder who they were going to issue the Sag Award to, awarded for most egregious misuse of the privilege of having breasts.

And not to leave out the boys, the prestegious award for Male in most imminent peril.

But the grand fugging of all fugs to have ever fugged the fugging earth , is reserved for the end for those who truely shame themselves almost everytime they exit the house.

Lets just say that a belted lime green pashmina was involved.

So thankyou my darling cousin!

Next book; Shapelle Corby - the somewhat controvesial autobiography in the did she or didn't she case.

Life as a Avon Lady

DING DONG! AVON CALLING!

Oh god, oh god, oh god! What HAVE I gotten myself into?
Missing a few products that I use (nail polish, body washes, makeup) I decided to join up to Avon to mostly buy my own stuff.
My uplead (or whatever they are called) Rebecca just came by and brought with her my stuff, a dozen books, some samples and her best sales woman speil.

I only have to sell $200 worth of stuff to make $16.60! WOW that's amazing, how awesome! lol

So if you want any nail polish etc let me know! do it!

Life as a Fashion Critic; part 2

Hi y'all! Comin' up in the late news...

I didn't know that a deflated Dolly Pardon has started to read the news...

Oh wait on that's Sandra Sully! And she appears to be wearing someone's 80's formal dress, serious lookit.

WHAT IS WITH THE SLEAVES? AND THE HAIR? It looks like it's taken root in some really good fertilizer (main stream news?) and is now growing uncontrollably out of her ears!

This is not the apperance of a profession serious news anchor person, in fact I want to (and have) mock her, and harken onto sensible Sandra Sully. A Sandra who had sensible hair, wore a suit and didn't look like they were in a Cindy Lauper video.

MAN visual aids are so helpful.

Life as a Dirty Dancer

NO!!

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Actor and dancer Patrick Swayze, star of such hit films as "Dirty Dancing" and "Ghost," has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer but is responding well to treatment, his publicist said on Wednesday.
The 55-year-old performer was working during his treatments, publicist Annett Wolf said, dismissing reports in the tabloid media that portrayed him in grave condition with only weeks to live.
Wolf issued a written statement from his physician, Dr. George Fisher that said: "Patrick has a very limited amount of disease and he appears to be responding well to treatment."

NO! Pat Sway can't die!

Life as a Cosmetic Surgeon

OH PRETTY!
Isn't it pretty? Don't you just love it?
No? Too pink & girly... Well hard fromage I am girly (sometimes) and as much as I loved Goldie and Perky (my two bloggy fishes) after 13 posts I had grown somewhat bored of them.

Have you even notice other people's grotty habits? (while of course remaining blithely unaware of your own, as it should be) Well I've seen some pearlers.
On the train this afternoon, I was sitting next to a woman filing her nails, which I must confess I have committed this cardinal sin but only to combat a hangnail.
I watched as she picked the muck from under her finger nails, and filed furiously feeling increasingly like Howard Hughes as the particles of nail filings whipped around the train carriage I imagined inhaling them and getting some sort of nail fungus lining my lungs.
Another time I stood waiting at a set of lights and happened to witness a lady in a shiny Lexus produce a pair of tweezers from the sun visor and pluck her chin hair out... in the car, at a busy intersection, in daylight. She'd clearly thought about this because she was prepared!
Like spitting on the street - YES I know that goes without saying but deserves a mention I feel.
Which leads me to a conclusion that Lexus or train it doesn't matter people are grotty inconsiderate filth-beasts.

Life as a Fashion Critic

Look don't get me wrong, I think Jennifer Hawkins is a very lovely girl, a good looking model who looks healthy and like she eats food BUT I am a pro Megan Gale in the battle of the big stores.
Megan for Dj's Jen for Myer in that dress

Oh Hawko, Hawko, Hawko, Hawko. When sashaying down the catwalk in a full length Toni Maticevski gown (see above) Jen got her shoe caught on the end of the dress (probably puncturing the couture as well) but managed to avert the disaster of falling flat on her face, unlike the infamous skirt incident which left her a little red faced.

I know I find it difficult to not get my heel caught in full skirts, in fact at my cousins wedding I put about four holes in the bottom of my skirt, one of which when I was walking down the ailse causing me to nearly be aisle-roadkill.
But I am not a model who makes a living off oozing sex down the catwalk.

Life as a Singleton

Do you know what a healthy and mature man looks and acts like?

Apprently my email knows I am single... I have recieved several emails now from Catchhimandkeephim.com whatever the hell that is supposed to insinuate!
Apprently; Here are 3 signs of a healthy and mature man-
Sign #1: He Can Stay "Calm In The Storm"
Mature men aren't easily rattled to where they act out, become defensive or blame others.
Hint- men want nothing as much as to make the woman they're interested in or with feel happy

Sign #2: He Has Other Healthy Relationships
This is an obvious sign you might already know about.
Tip- one of the best things you can do inside your relationship with a man to keep him open isn't what most women do, which is to try and TALK to him more.

Sign #3: A Purpose That's Greater Than Himself
I'm about to share with you one of the very best ways to tell if a man has "done the work" for himself and might make a great boyfriend or husband.

YOUR PURPOSE AS A WOMAN
What do you do when you feel disconnected fromlove and the man you're with?
Do you inspire and create more love and make iteasy for you both to connect?
Or do you get frustrated that things aren't going well and accidentally push him further away with your feelings?

I kid you not... this is actual sections of the email I recieved. Who knew that you were actually supposed to pay attention to the things people do? *SHOCK* So this is where I've been going wrong?
What horseshit this email is. Whaffling on about snagging that perfect 'healthy mature male' - perhaps I want an aimless, directionless, tattooed, artist slash model who does drug runs to pay for his hecs debt? Hey, did they think about that?
No apprently I want groundedness and while; Chemistry is great. But if you want a real lasting and loving relationship, picking a man you know has the necessary qualities and "skills" to have a great relationship with you is just as important.

I don't know what is worse, the fact that this filth has been jettisoned into cyberspace in order to fill some infuriating lecture hall and line this womans pockets or that even my email thinks I need help!